You BETTER tell ME where you are !!!

Oh ! Where have I heard that statement before ??

There is nothing that feels more controlling  and dominating than when your significant other demands to know every single element of your day , where you have gone , when you have arrived to your destination and what you may plan to do in the near future.

Sharing your plans and checking in with each other is something that should come naturally within any healthy relationship , but in the emotionally abusive one , it is altogether a different monster.

Emotional controllers take their ‘interest ‘ in your daily life to an entirely different level , becoming masters at monitoring you and managing what you do and where you go , until you become complicit with this pattern of behaviour in fear of their reprisals if you dare step out of line !

woman in maroon shirt with black chain on her body
Photo by Markus Spiske on

Progressively , life becomes a prison sentence, filled with regular requests to the correctional officer for permission to leave your cell.

My ex-partner was a master at this ! He had a knack for convincing me that any plans I had made needed to be confirmed with him in advance , and was even manipulative enough to ‘create’ plans that he would say we already had in order to prevent me from going where I had initially planned to . This was often followed up with an expression of disdain that I had even ATTEMPTED to make alternative plans on a day that we had one of his ‘imaginary’ ones.

adult anger angry angry face
Photo by Pixabay on

The general expectation at the beginning of each day was for us to each send a message confirming that we had arrived to work . This was okay at first , as I had interpreted this as an expression of care for my well-being ….until I forgot to message , or messaged at 9.30 am rather than as soon as I had arrived. This would result in a follow-up message asking ‘did you just get to work right now ?‘ or worse yet , this infringement would be used as part of his arsenal of verbal weapons used against me in our arguments. Apparently messaging late meant I was a bad fiancé.

This behaviour transcended the morning arrival at work , and became a regular occurrence. Little did I know that this was one of many signs of his control and toxicity .


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